What is Emotional Withdrawal & Its Importance for a Man
John Gray is right in saying, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’. His immensely popular bestseller has redefined relationships, infusing clarity and understanding. Gray and numerous others relationship experts have come to realise that a man’s tendency to withdraw in his cave is one of the most common causes of discord within relationships.
What is Emotional Withdrawal & Its Importance for a Man
If your man is being distant for days and weeks, he is displaying the famed withdrawal symptoms. Suddenly, he stops calling or texting. He becomes unresponsive. He doesn’t talk. It’s like you don’t exist for the same person who used to put you on a pedestal and worship!
Men withdraw because they need to sort out their problems. Their problems are theirs alone and you or anyone else can’t do anything about it.
A man withdrawing from relationships is their coping mechanism. Perhaps, he is suffering from extreme stress or depression about something. A masculine man never discusses his problems because he doesn’t want to appear weak in front of you.
It’s not that the man withdraws only from the love relationship. They withdraw from friends and family as well.
When a woman has problems and issues, she likes to talk. It is completely opposite for the man. When he has problems, it’s his own to solve and they focus on it with every breath.
Men are hardwired to withdraw into their cave. Blame it on evolution.
Is Emotional Withdrawal a Cause for Concern?
When a woman senses withdrawal in her man, the first emotion is panic. She becomes sick with worry and imagines all nonsense reasons for his distance. The first thought is that perhaps he wants to breakup and therefore, he is being distant.
Now, let me say something here. Sometimes withdrawal and disinterest can seem as the same thing. His withdrawal, 95% of the time, has nothing with you but if he showing disinterest, it means the relationship is in danger. A woman has strong intuition sense. Use this intuition power to judge whether he is just withdrawing or showing disinterest in the relation, with the intention to end it. You’re the best judge here, no one else can help. If intuition favors the second, cut your losses and move on, no matter how hard it is.
If intuition favors the first, hold on.
If I am not wrong, you’re interpreting his withdrawal as abandonment. You’re angry and anxious. You are trying to figure out how to reach him. You’re trying to understand what he’s thinking right now. You’re trying to communicate with him but all efforts are waste.
In short, you’re trying to pull you back to him. There is no result. If nothing else, he seems more distant.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
Stop doing anything. Before that, put your mind at rest. Your worries are going to ruin you, seriously.
Even if you’ve done or said something to hurt him, it won’t send any sensible man into prolonged periods of withdrawal.
Never take this withdrawal personally. You’re angry, anxious and feeling abandoned because you’re taking it personally. You’re thinking that he is doing this to hurt you deliberately.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
A man withdrawing into a cave is as natural for him as getting ready for work daily. It doesn’t register with him that he is hurting you with his actions!!!
A man withdrawing emotionally should not be a cause for concern. Instead, try to understand why he is withdrawing.
Okay, let me phrase this better: emotional withdrawal is a cause for concern for a woman because we are nurturers and care givers by nature but understand that unless he is ready to meet you halfway, you can’t take away his emotional worries and you can’t force him.
Now, let’s get on with the reasons of emotional withdrawal.
(1) Stress
In 2010, the University of South Carolina conducted a study which revealed that in stressful situations, women bond but men isolate themselves.
In such a situation, learn to become his support system without mothering him. Be there for him. Don’t pry or be inquisitive.
(2) Too Much Love!
Yes, you read right. Too much love can cause your man to withdraw. It’s not nonsense. I have scientific backing.
You see, when we enter an all encompassing love and passionate relationship, our body releases oxytocin hormone.
In women, this hormone decreases stress but in men, it decreases their testosterone level, which increase stress for them.
As such, a man withdrawing is his way of getting back his testosterone levels!
(3) Emotional Immaturity
Blame it on cultural conditioning, men are emotionally immature. It is expected of men to be strong and tough in all circumstances.
So, here you make your entry as the woman he has dreamed of his entire life and he finds himself falling in love with you. Suddenly, he panics and this terrible fear grips him. All those emotional mushiness takes him out of comfort zone and he is clueless in dealing with them.
As such, the safest harbor for him is to retreat back into his cave and sort the emotional rollercoaster ride.
You can’t do anything here, again, unless he is willing to realise his feeling and come back running to your arms.
(4) Loss of Freedom
Men are dead scared of losing their freedom. Every man on this Earth is afraid of this. Commitment and marriage, for them, is the death knell on their freedom.
If he has fallen in love with you hook and sinker, he is scared that commitment will cause him to lose his most prized freedom.
As such, he starts to remain distant and remote.
Again, you can’t do anything here until his fear of losing you overrides the fear of losing his freedom.
What to do when he is Withdrawn?
You will do only 4 things:
- Take a deep breath. Remove all unpleasant thoughts and let go off the fear of losing him.
- You’ll not try to reach out to him. No calls, texts and emails.
- Have a blast. Go out with your girlfriends and enjoy this life.
- When he is ready and comes back, welcome him with open arms and lots of love.
You need to have a lot of patience and positive outlook to get through his period of withdrawal. Understand that he is not doing it to hurt you in any way. It is his way to cope whatever issues are bothering him and as such, you can’t do anything. Just be there for him. He will appreciate that a lot, a lot.
Source: thefemininewoman.com
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