10 Simple Ways to Improve Communications in Your Relationships

One of the most common problems in relationships is communicating. You may often hear people complaining that, “He just doesn’t listen to me anymore, “or,” She doesn’t really hear what I’m saying”. Not being heard or understood is one of the most common relationship problems and once one person feels this way, it can lead to other problems. Everyone wants to be heard and if someone does not feel that they are heard by their partner they will look for someone else that will listen to them.

In relationships, when people don’t feel like they are being heard it affects how they feel about the other person and how they think the other feels about them. Communicating within a relationship can be one of the most important factors to maintaining happiness. If partners do not know what the others partner needs, they cannot make them happy. If partners do not feel that their needs are being met, they will be dissatisfied and look for other means of finding satisfaction.

Here are some truly simple ways to improve communications in your relationship:

1. Think before you speak.

When you open your mouth to say something, know what you’re going to say before you say it. Sometimes, when we’re not consciously speaking, we may say things that we don’t mean. We say things in ways that are misconstrued by the other person. Communication cannot be effective unless you know why you were communicating and what you hope to say.

2. Tell the other person how you feel.

A lot of the time we speak our opinions. When we speak opinions they can be misunderstood. When you speak feelings you are not pointing the finger at the other person. Your feelings cannot be wrong. All you’re doing is stating how something affects you.

3. Be careful about timing.

There are right times and wrong times to have certain conversations. If it is a serious conversation make sure that you choose a time when you can have the entire conversation. Make sure that you won’t be interrupted. You should both be relaxed and in a mindset where you can have a good conversation.

4. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader.

People can’t read minds. They can’t be expected to understand what you’re trying to say if you leave things out. Also, try to give your partner time to speak too. If you’re having a running dialogue as if you were the only person in the room, your partner will either get bored and lose concentration or they will feel like you think that they do not matter. Also, be careful about the tone of voice that you use. If you are sarcastic or use a condescending tone of voice, your partner will not feel that their input matters.

5. Try to stay on topic.

You can’t say everything at one time. Instead, try to choose a topic that needs to be addressed and really matters and deal with that one topic at that time. Don’t try to cover the whole bunch of different things at once. If you do, you will not likely reach the solutions you are looking for or meet the goal of your conversation.

6. Don’t speak in anger.

If you’re angry, try to put the conversation off to a later time when you can both be calm. When one party is angry or both parties become angry, reason and logic tend to completely disappear. If you need to, have a timeout in the conversation and come back to it in a few minutes.

7. Try to avoid using “you” in your sentences.

“You” sentences are often a way of accusing someone of something. Or, if even if you don’t mean to, it may sound as if you’re making an accusation. Use “I” in sentences to show your partner that you are not placing blame and put the focus on how you feel.

8. Don’t interrupt your partner.

When your partner is speaking, give them the time they need to say what they need to say. Try not to interrupt them to avoid them getting flustered or becoming angry. If you want your partner to talk to you more, practice listening more.

9. Avoid using the words “always” or “never”.

Statements with these words in them are usually not true. They can be offensive and they can cause anger to arise. Avoid using them all in your conversations.

10. Try not to say “should” or “shouldn’t”.

Using the word “should” and “shouldn’t” insinuates that you have a moral high ground that you can take. It suggests that the other person is wrong or has done something wrong. It is insulting and offensive. When people hear the words “should” and “shouldn’t”, they may feel that the other person thinks they are better than them.